Silence. A fog of nothingness laying over the land like moss over a rock. As the broken clock struck eleven for the seventh time that night, Eleanor gazed out of her window into the paranoid hellscape she had called home for a length of time her mind did not want to quantify, her breath fogging up against the glass making it hard to notice the dull hum of sinister colour that made up the bizarre nightlife of Eyeland. She swore as the gaze of the spire focused on her, if only just for a second, enough to remind her she was being watched. Of course, they took her own eyes from her. Or perhaps she took them from herself? It was difficult to put into words what happens here, even just daily things blur together into a terrifying mush of memory and madness, a sullen smog that stole hours away as you slide into upside down alleys and cults desperately pleading that they were the choice for you, that you weren't going to just be stolen away and changed or molded again. This was, in it's purest essence, hell; a heaven only to those deluded enough to convince themselves so.
What had convinced her to come back here? For a couple of years now she had been stranded by it's mist.
And that's where that thought ended. The past was not something Eleanor dwelled on. No, more than that. It was like there was a wall. A block, a barrier, a fanatic exclusion of hindsight. First sign of trauma, she was told. Who told her that? Who knows. Who cares.
Who cares, when in just a few minutes, she would be making her escape?
The plan had been a last minute desperate bid for escape from frustration and anger. She would blindfold herself so that she could not be influenced by the miasma of sight, the watchful gaze of the entire land, even the air. She had a boat that she'd built in secret, hidden where only her friends knew. If only they really knew, the wistful longing she had to feel love again, to feel safe again. To love herself once more and to see a point in becoming a better pony. To know even what species she was, what her cutie mark even looked like. What her eyes looked like.
This was it.
Silently opening the door, she took her chance. She acted natural as she trotted through the turbulent streets, but once she knew she was safe, she broke into a fast gallop until she was at the shore where her boat lay in secret. Taking one last breath of terrible air, she took the red blindfold from her saddlebag and wove it around her face, obscuring the black buttons she'd had to call her eyes for years now, and tied it behind her head.
Immediately she felt relief. She put to use what she'd learnt, feeling and seeing with her heart instead of her sewn eyes. One day, maybe soon, she would break down the barrier, and the feelings, the torture, the trauma, the tens of ponies that had made her life misery for years, the cults, the brainwashing, one day, it would come. But for now, she got onto her boat, untied the rope holding it to shore, and the wind of fate blew against the sail, carrying her fast from Eyeland. As the nightmare world grew smaller and smaller in the distance, she turned her heart's gaze forwards, wondering what adventure her ocean of self-discovery would bring her.
And above all else, despite everything everypony said to her;
She was still here. Still breathing. Still loving. Stable, as stable as she could be. Fearful but hopeful, the duality of her veins ebbing and flowing but letting her be as she discovered herself in more ways than she thought possible.
Friends, enemies, love, hate. A whole world of it all.
This is the story of Eleanor's journey, without destination, to discover herself and to find true love, happiness, friendship and above all else, to discover hope.
And even though many of these songs have no words, I hope you can immerse yourself in the sounds of self-knowledge. Thank you for sticking with me this whole time.
released September 16, 2019
Album by Viricide Filly
Album art by ObscureDragone:
Want more Viricide Filly? I've released a companion album over at noise.horse you can check out here: noisehorse.bandcamp.com/album/this-place-will-never-let-me-leave
Special thanks section (the best section of any album info)
Ultra Mega Special thanks to Swift who has been a source of inspiration, help, hope and love, who has given me my confidence and my smile back. It's been a long journey together already and we still have so much left to do, it's been a year and a half now and I hope we have many more years left together. <3
Special thanks to moving. Turns out that place DID let me leave.
Special Thanks to the rest of this section being way less serious and heartfelt than that
Special thanks to big jiggling TITS oh my GODFJH
Special thanks to the guy who left a bag of halloween decorations on the front gate thus supplying me with much needed house decor
Special thanks to boris johnson who without his help we would not be about to sink into the ocean and fucking d r o w n
Special thanks to sinking into the ocean and drowning
Special thanks to my main inspirations: The Wedding Proposal Song Music Band, The Guy Who Sings Your Name Over And Over, and who can forget The Sorry Apology Song Person
Special thanks to gyms for being fun and also drenching me in sweat
Special thanks to my bowel for despising red cabbage
Special thanks to SHIMT
Special thanks to egg :)
Special thanks to egg :(
Special thanks to incontinent alligators
Special thanks to deep fried mango mochi
Special thanks to evil homer
Special thanks to the conglomeration that forms on the surface of the tea water when you leave your tea + tea bag in a moist room for 7 weeks
Special thanks to tangle toys you've saved my fingers from annihilation at the hands of me
Special thanks to doctor who i've already spent £200+ on this FUCKING franchise
Special thanks to Liverpool. None of your fast food places understand the words "and cheese" and just serve me chips w/o cheese. Fuck you.
Special thanks to everyone who thinks they're hilarious when they comment "omg her back must hurt"
Special thanks to my insistence on telling Eleanor's story fully despite not even being into MLP anymore
Special thanks to that one place. That shitty one. It has things in it, and as a result of the things, there is stuff, and as a result of the stuff, it's shitty.
Special thanks to cute clown OCs for standing up to coulrophobia and the films, books and games that capitalize on it.
Special thanks to anyone who throws a milkshake at a right winger. You are a fucking hero.
Special thanks to Discord for breaking Better Discord
Special thanks to that guy who bought me a soda just because I jinxed him. No, that's not what "Jinx!" is about, try again.
Special thanks to not doing a "rejected tracks/B-Sides" for this album because I'd rather not go through the stuff I made during the b a d t i m e s
Special thanks to srthtpusptuirituoratuiorghp8guqa895gu
Special thanks to my elbow
Special thanks to knobbly knees
Special thanks to ripping off pinkamena party's shoutouts but replacing shoutout with special thanks because I'm unoriginal and history will forget me and my cowardice
Special thanks to completely taking leave of your senses
Special thanks to writing this out instead of taking a post-workout shower like I should be
Special thanks to grapes
Special thanks to chinese candy
Special thanks to boneless haddock
Special thanks to sonic screwdriver pens
Special thanks to pengies
Special thanks to the pingu theme. Fucking banger. (the old one.)
You know who else likes to give special thanks out to random things? MY MOM!! - Muscleman
Special thanks to the 4-5 people on RYM who will read this and call it crinjj or whatever the kids say nowadays. just tryina have fun. fuck you. damn. all up in my shit. hecker.
Special thanks to statement A
Statement A: statement B is true
Statement B: statement A is false
Statement C: Boards of Canada - Geogaddi is an ambient techno, downtempo and IDM album released in 2000 and is the duo's second album.
Special thanks to indigo sweetcorn
Special thanks to clas ohlson for selling me a cheap as fuck disco globe
Special thanks to dying my hair black it didn't go as well as I'd liked so I'll have to do it again, but it was fun uwu
Special thanks to clams.
Special thanks to tiddlywinks
Special thanks to 3 hour felching sessions.
Special thanks to this stupid fucking album credits actually ending. Goodnight.